Residents and local politicians were in an uproar yesterday over the imminent closing of Cobble Hill's embattled Long Island College Hospital, saying that private interests were trumping the need for health care in the borough. The erstwhile St. Vincent's Hospital underwent a similar conversion after it closed in 2010, but listen up, LICH-defenders: St. Vincent's may no longer offer "emergency care," or "surgery," but a portion of the former hospital has since been converted into 160-unit luxury condo complex, which is finally ready to be revealed to the world!

Not everything's different, of course. Dubbed "The 101" for it's 101 West 15th Street location, the space offers residents a "one-of-a-kind social-living experience"—not unlike a hospital! Patients Residents' lives will be "enhanced by luxury offerings, cultural events and entertainment activities," making "life at 101W15 similar to a private members club." Also not unlike a hospital.

What "entertainment amenities" will this apartment/private club offer, you ask? From the press-release, delivered without a trace of irony:

  • Feng Shui guidance
  • A residential dog walker (complimentary for the first week of move-in) Ed. note: Cheap bastards
  • On-site personal trainers and group exercise fitness classes, beauty and spa services, At home certified massages
  • Regular deliveries of organic cold pressed juices and cleanses to your doorstep

Juice delivery? Personal trainers? Maybe it's actually still a hospital after all?