President Obama is giving his first press conference in 21 weeks and will likely answer many questions concerning the fiscal cliff, Benghazi, and the Love Penatgon. "But I want to know whether the Department of Justice will respect the voters' will in Colorado and Washington to legalize marijuana," you say, as you leaf through a copy of DMT: The Spirit Molecule and stroke the heads of your two ferrets, Loki & Sasquatch. We probably won't get an answer today, but by signing this petition to the White House you can ensure that the president's staff will at least have to roll their eyes while they ask president, "Hey are we gonna be a bunch of capricious tyrants about this or what?"

The White House pledges to review all petitions that receive more than 25,000 signatures over a period of a month and issue a formal response. That's the good news. The bad news is that other petitions that have over or close to 25,000 signatures include requesting Tennessee's secession from the Union and the repeal of Obamacare.

STILL: if petitions can help shut down a heartless marathon or prove that Donald Trump's spokesman is a big fat liar, they're still good for something. Besides, there have been rumblings that the president will actually do something to dismantle, rather than accelerate the War on Drugs in his second term. *Throws bong at commenter who makes "Pipe Dream" joke*