Sure, Lonely Island may have made flip flops the height of summer fashion fun (they didn't) with their catchy lyric: "I got my swim trunks, and my flippie-floppies"—but whether you're on or off a boat, this staple is the latest subject of a slow news summer scaremonger report! The Daily News warns that many New Yorkers just love their flip floppy footwear, but make no mistake: THEY WILL KILL YOU. Are you wearing open toe shoes right now? Read on.

Here's how it works: The "film of grime that coats your feet at the end of a day of flopping around town is some dangerous dirt. Lab tests of two reporters' flip-flops, worn for four days, revealed a potentially deadly germ—Staphylococcus aureus—lurking on the rubber" (that's what she said). If you have an open wound, the bacteria enters the bloodstream, and when left untreated, some bacteria will kill you after attacking your internal organs. You've been previously warned about the dangers of foot exposure to sand, grass, and Crocs. Maybe those girls who wear Uggs in the summer are on to something?

After the two brave reporters wore their flip flops on various subways, in Prospect Park, bars in the West Village, a Cyclones game and a public restroom, the flops were covered with nearly 18,100 bacteria varieties (the paper notes that the pair that went to Coney Island and and the public restroom had roughly 13,900 more!). On top of picking up some fecal bacteria, E. coli, and random things from people's spit... researchers note there's also "garbage and rat-doo. This city is strewn with rats, and rats are harbingers of all sorts of germs. The same is true with cockroaches. It is all potentially harmful." No one's laughing now, Samberg.