Ever since President Obama revealed his birth certificate, roasted him at the White House Correspondent's Dinner, and announced Osama bin Laden's death, the entire nation has made a tacit agreement to collectively wipe Donald Trump from our memories. But now that his poll numbers have sunk like the Titanic, we can all focus on the important questions and issues which really define Trump, such as: how does he get his hair like that?
In an interview with Rolling Stone magazine this month, Trump reveals the haircare secrets behind his doofy 'do. But be prepared, for this is like reading The Secret without a parachute while climbing Mount Everest in a tornado:
He steeples his fingers, purses his lips and launches right into it like it was some kind of major policy issue. "OK, what I do is, wash it with Head and Shoulders. I don't dry it, though. I let it dry by itself. It takes about an hour. Then I read papers and things. This morning I read in the New York Post about Jerry Seinfeld backing out of his commitment to do a benefit for my son Eric's charity. I've never been a big fan of Jerry Seinfeld — never dug him, in the true sense — but when I did The Marriage Ref, which was his show and a total disaster, I did him a big favor. Then he did this. It's a disgrace." He goes on, "I also watch TV. I love Fox, I like Morning Joe, I like that the Today show did a beautiful piece on me yesterday — I mean, relatively speaking. OK, so I've done all that. I then comb my hair. Yes, I do use a comb." He pauses, frowning, casting his mind back to capture the details of the event. "Do I comb it forward? No, I don't comb it forward." He pushes the leading edge of the flying wing of his hair back, to show where the hairline is. "I actually don't have a bad hairline. When you think about it, it's not bad. I mean, I get a lot of credit for comb-overs. But it's not really a comb-over. It's sort of a little bit forward and back. I've combed it the same way for years. Same thing, every time."
And now we know. But there's one other question which we're wondering, after watching a segment on really big American flags on The Colbert Report last night. Does Trump really not know what the 13 stripes on the flag represent? Check out the video below, and skip to 4:45 to hear the money quote: