Can a house be haunted if its most deranged resident hasn't died yet? I have not visited President Donald Trump's childhood home in Queens, so I cannot say for certain, but my gut screams yes: The trapped energy of many tantrums, the stifled rage of a very spoiled boy—all of this must linger in the hallways, lie coiled in the kitchen cabinets, waiting to spring on its next victim.
If you wanted to, you could confirm my suspicions right now, because the five-bedroom Tudor home where Trump lived until age 4 recently returned to market. The asking price is $2.9 million and if that strikes you as fair, reasonable, even a deal, then you can email TrumpBirthHouse@gmail.com to set up a showing. I for one will not be going, because I've seen The Conjuring and I know that sometimes the dark forces latch onto your back, sapping you of your life force like an insatiable leech. Also, the Wall Street Journal reports that one of the bedrooms features a sign flagging the spot where "President Donald J. Trump was likely conceived," and if I see that, I will surely barf.
In any case, the price of this 2,500-square-foot home has been egregiously inflated. According to the Journal, comparable Jamaica Estates spots fetch far lower sums. Just across the street, for example, a house that (according to Google Street View) looks basically the same is listed at $1.25 million, while another architectural peer about a block away sold for $640,000 in 2016. Indeed, the current owners bought this curséd property for just over $2.1 million in 2017, and while they have outfitted it with amenities like a life-sized Trump cutout, his books, and the aforementioned plaque, that does not really seem like enough to justify the price tag on an admittedly modest home. (Don't let the relatively regular appearance fool you, though: By age 3, Trump already siphoned an annual $200,000 from his father's real estate business, making—but not earning—his first million by age 8.)
Still, some chumps used to shell out a dizzying $725 per night to stay in their fearless leader's former digs, suggesting people see value in even the most remote presidential association. The current owner—Trump Birth House LLC, represented by a Flushing lawyer "whose website said he specializes in overseas investments by Chinese buyers," per the Journal—permitted the property's Airbnb rental for a time, thanks to which we know that the house reeks of "church rectory," i.e., "mothballs and lemon Pledge."
"I think the only reason this house is selling for the kind of money it has is because of the presidential history," Edward Hickey, the Compass real estate agent with whom you will liaise if you buy this pile of mustard yellow bricks, told the Journal. "We anticipate that there will be a lot of curiosity."
As such, Compass plans to offload the "Trump Birth House" through a closed bidding process: Interested parties email their "best and final offers" to the above Gmail account, and someone walks away with a multi-million dollar haunting. The best haunting money can buy, believe me, and very classy, many people are saying.
