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- President Obama visited flood-damaged parts of New Jersey today, and vowed that federal aid is on the way.
- A bodyboarder was "cut in half" in a shark attack in Australia; his friends were able to bring his body back to shore.
- A Rev. Al Sharpton staffer has warned "all the Black journalists out there" to back off on constantly criticizing Sharpton.
- First Michelle Bachmann said Hurricane Irene was a warning from God, then she said her comment was just a joke, and now she says it was actually a "metaphor."
- Rumor alert: could "that dark-haired guy from 3rd Rock From The Sun" be playing Robin in Christopher Nolan's The Dark Knight Rises?
- The workers at NYC's exotic animal shelters are starting to sound a bit jaded: "I don't know what else will shock me at this point—maybe a kangaroo hopping down Broadway."
- Another reason to stop planking: a man was fired from his job over planking at work.
- Uh, Dick Cheney is a fan of Hillary Clinton, and wishes she were President.
- A U.S. Open player is being touted as the "Lady Gaga" of the tennis world.
- And finally, after an industry-wide HIV scare last week, the porn industry has started back up production!
Extra, Extra: Dick Cheney Thinks Hillary Clinton Is Dreamy
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If finalized, the maps could lead to high-profile primaries among veteran lawmakers.
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