Stealing over $150 million from your own company isn't exactly a great business tactic, but, hey, things could be worse! Or so says Dennis Kozlowski, former CEO of Tyco, who was convicted of stealing all those dolla dolla bills back in 2005; he told his parole board his fraud was "not like Enron," and "it was not a wipe-out." Now, he's getting released!
Kozlowski was sentenced to 8-1/3 to 25 years in prison following his 2005 conviction on a litany of charges including grand larceny and securities fraud; after serving about eight years of his term and becoming BFFs with Ja Rule, he was granted parole this week.
And as for his get-out-of-jail-almost-free-card, well, luckily for him human greed has no bounds in this city. When the parole commissioner reminded Kozlowski that his theft "harmed folks," he argued that Tyco's still kicking, unlike some other companies with thieving CEOs out there. "The company does well, and while I stole money... unlike other companies at that time nobody lost their 401(k)s or thing like that," he reportedly told the board. "It's not like Enron."
Kozlowki, who is set to be released on January 17th, has been the posterboy for corporate greed since word of his rampant company pilfering broke a few years back; among his many illicit purchases, he used the stolen cash to buy a $15,000 umbrella stand and a $2 million birthday party for his wife that featured a replica of Michelangelo’s David statue that urinated vodka and a "cake shaped like a woman with exploding breasts." Go horrifically tacky or go home, CEOs.