In the criminal justice system, the people are represented by two separate yet equally important groups: the police, who investigate real crime; and starting very soon, the "newly formed Times Square unit," which will use taxpayer money to police an area that is being torn apart by artistically-painted women, immigrants in costumes, and the least important minority group: tourists.

According to the Times, the department has begun seeking applications from officers to join the patrol, which will be known as the Times Square Unit. "The Times Square Unit will be expected to address crime and quality of life issues surrounding the city’s number-one tourist destination," an internal memo read.

When asked about the nontroversy in Times Square that has taken over the front pages of the Daily News this summer, Mayor de Blasio declared, "I don’t like the situation in Times Square, and we’re going to address it in a very aggressive manner." The Times Square Alliance is happy about the unit: "Having a seasoned and consistent unit to thoughtfully address quality of life issues in Times Square is a great development," said group president Tim Tompkins.

At this point, we suppose we should just be grateful that de Blasio hasn't paved over the pedestrian plazas with new car lanes in the dead of the night. Instead, this new NYPD unit will make sure no tourist is ever bullied by a Frozen snowman again.