The Health Department can issue all the palliatives statements in the world about how under control this little Ebola snafu really is, but the truth is that the epidemic continues to become more dire with each passing day. Adding to what already seems to be a very confused situation is the fact that 911 operators are apparently now forbidden from saying the word "Ebola" over the radios.

"At no point shall a dispatcher transmit over the radio any message containing the word ‘Ebola’ or related terminology,” reads an internal memo obtained by the Post.

“Just like you can’t say bomb on an airplane, we can’t say ‘Ebola,’ ” a source told the tabloid. “Back in the ’80s and ’90s, taking universal precautions meant someone has AIDS. And we weren’t allowed to say AIDS either.”

In addition to the already cumbersome system of protocols instated by the CDC, dispatchers must now also remember to use the code letters "F/T," which stands for Fever/Travel, the idea being that the code word will prevent the unleashing of mass hysteria.

Of course, now that attentive listeners of emergency channels—specifically, employees at the Breaking News Network, whose job it is to monitor the airwaves for newsworthy dispatches—are aware of the change, the attempt at sneakiness will be rendered useless pretty quickly.

The FDNY has also designated a handful of "Haztec" workers in each borough, outfitted with $2,000 protective gear in the event that they encounter an Ebola patient.