There are some family feuds you just do not want to have anything to do with—throw in toilet paper accusations and threats, and you're in for a true shitstorm of emotions. Shared DNA and shared toilet facilities is apparently what did in siblings Howard Meltzer, 67, and Bernice Meltzer, 72—Bernice called cops on her "pee-ved" brother after she had allegedly stolen the last roll of toilet paper from their bathroom this week. "Five hours he was knocking on that door,” a law-enforcement source told the Post. “It sounds like he absolutely had to go bad.” As Martin Lawrence would say: "shit just got real."

The siblings, who have duel restraining orders on each other despite the fact that they live together in Midwood, got into a physical fight after the paper snatching. “The roll was full when I went there in the morning,” Howard explained to The Post after being released without bail. “She unloaded a whole roll and left just a little, and when I looked up to the reserve, it wasn’t there.” Howard, who walks with a cane and sometimes uses a motorized scooter, said he knocked on her door for over five hours, till midnight Tuesday, trying to get the toilet roll from her.

Bernice was hit with a misdemeanor criminal-contempt charge and released without bail; Howard was arraigned on felony criminal-contempt charges. Both violated their orders of protection. “It’s crazy that you have two people fighting over toilet paper. I can only imagine what was going on with these two,” the law-enforcement source told the Post. “When you gotta go, you gotta go!”

And the person who was most amused by this whole situation? “The judge had a copy of the complaint in his hand and started laughing,” the law-enforcement source added.