The War on Christmas isn't just being waged outside the Lincoln Tunnel; it's taking place at the YMCA (oops, we mean, The Y) now as well. According to the Post, the 14th Street McBurney YMCA has kicked Santa Claus to the curb for their popular annual holiday luncheon, and instead turned to the religiously ambiguous duo of a a talking snowman and his sidekick, an anonymous penguin, to entertain kids.

But just as used cars are now pre-owned cars, executive director of the McBurney YMCA defended the decision to not use Santa Claus anymore with the finest doublespeak in the land: "It wasn't replacing; it was transitioning. We realized that change is sometimes good, and that Frosty is a great winter character who would appeal to a broader number of kids," said John Rappaport.

The decision enraged Bill Donohue of the Catholic League: "Christmas is not about Jack Frost; it's not about snowmen. We're not talking about some secular organization that has no religious roots. If they can't celebrate Christmas, then they should check out. What a bunch of cowards." And in a true Christmas miracle, the obviously pro-Santa Post even found a Jewish man to come to Santa's defense: "Santa belongs to all the people. He represents openness and an invitation for anyone and everyone to celebrate good will toward man," said Ed Bobrow, who has played Santa at Central Park's Belvedere Castle for years.