It appears the MTA has fixed all the signal problems and stalled trains that laid waste to this morning's commute, because there's a golden unicorn of a service status update on the MTA's website right now. EVERY SINGLE LINE is showing good service, proving once and for all that Governor Cuomo's right—the subways sometimes work great, we're just not looking at the MTA's website at the exact fleeting moment before they devolve into some kind of dystopian pit of despair. Don't worry, we canonized this marvel in internet ink:

Leave work now, or risk living onboard an F train for eternity.