The 2012 GOP presidential primary race has been marred by scandals and buffoonery galore over recent months, including sexual harassment accusations, human gaffe machines, and Tiffany shopping sprees. Republicans need someone who can bring class back to the party—someone who understands when it's appropriate to let the f-bombs fly and who knows the proper way to eat pizza. They need someone who has "enormous balls." And to that end, professional used car salesman Donald Trump will moderate a GOP primary debate.

Thanks to conservative magazine and website Newsmax, Donald Trump will moderate the presidential debate in Des Moines on Dec. 27th. “Our readers and the grass roots really love Trump,” said Christopher Ruddy, chief executive of Newsmax Media. “They may not agree with him on everything, but they don’t see him as owned by the Washington establishment, the media establishment.” Fair point—Trump really is only in the Donald Trump industry. Sure, that may mean he doesn't have anything resembling an inner life, but who needs introspection when they have "yards and yards of gold silk?"

As ludicrous as it may seem, many prominent Republicans really do take Trump—who flirted with running for President Of Obama-Is-Not-An-American last spring—very seriously. Sarah Palin, Michele Bachmann, Herman Cain, Mitt Romney and Rick Perry have all broken bread with Trump for highly-publicized photo ops. And current frontrunner Newt Gingrich is up next: he's due to meet Trump in NYC this Monday.

We can't wait to see what Trump has to say about all this on his YouTube rant page. After all, who doesn't love it when the titan of combover industries gives himself a well-deserved handjob?