Sunday political talk shows exist for pointless posturing and taunting (you know, how Senators spend 27% of their time?). So maybe White House strategist and 2008 grassroots guru David Plouffe was just doing his job on This Week by saying "there's zero chance that Donald Trump would ever be hired by the American people" to be president, and that Trump pushing the whole birther issue is "sideshow behavior." Our hero gallantly responded on Fox and Friends today by pointing out that Barry's people are "talking only about Trump…I'm their worst nightmare…they know it and I know it." Take that, reasonable assumption-maker David Plouffe!

Face it, Democrats: Donald is an unstoppable political phoenix. A germophobe phoenix with bulletproof polyester wings. When he isn't helping to fight childhood obesity with his Snazzle Snaxxs, he's giving us lessons in war and diplomacy. Why do you think Gary Busey is in Donald's custody and not in Guantanamo Bay? Heck, he's practically running the country anyway. Let's just move the White House to Atlantic City and get it over with.

What Donald should be worried about, moreso than Barry's birth certificate shenanigans, is the possibility that our current president may or may not have had brain surgery. Secret brain surgery. BY ALIEN DOCTORS. If the UK's Daily Mail is right (and when is it not?), what could be a scar from a "bad haircut" may play perfectly into our hero's hands.