Anyone who didn't have to get in or out of LaGuardia airport last night is the luckiest person in NYC, judging by nightmarish reports from the epic shitshow that destroyed souls in and around America's crappiest airport last night. Travelers trying to get to the airport reported being stuck in traffic for hours, while many of those who had just arrived found themselves waiting on taxi lines for over four hours. Welcome to New York, abandon all hope.

An ambulance fire on the Grand Central Parkway near Flushing Meadow Park appears to be the cause of the nightmare. The NY Post reports that the mess delayed outgoing flights that were waiting to be refueled on the tarmac, because fuel trucks were stuck in traffic too, lol. This in turn delayed incoming flights that did not have space to park. Meanwhile, frustrated travelers spent hours crawling through gridlock, sobbing quietly, praying for a quick death that would never come...

Others struggled to find some way out of the asshole of the world. There is not enough nope in the western hemisphere to adequately tell their story.

But in the midst of all this madness, there was one man who did what he could to save the survivors trapped inside the abyss. I won't say he's a hero, 'cuz what's a hero, but his name is Phil Wahba, senior writer at Fortune magazine, "obsessed with 26.2, Def Leppard, Canadiens." He found a way out, and pointed the way for others who had long ago given up on life.

Thanks, Phil.