We know what a shock the bust of the Columbia drug ring must have been to you, so it would be a pity to further dishearten you about the state of our universities. But in the interest of journalistic integrity we must inform you that there are other college kids out there who do drugs. Even right here in our very city! One NYU student told the Daily News, "Drug use is everywhere. It's different from the 1960s, when our parents experimented with drugs...now it's more practical, part of going to school."

But should we take just one coke-addled student at his or her word? Well, the News got students from both Columbia and Pace to confirm this epidemic, as well as a college security guard who said, "To have five people selling drugs on a college campus anywhere in America is not shocking." Ok, they do admit that the five students arrested for dealing drugs at Columbia last week were "not some kids sitting around smoking pot and listening to music." Still, both NYU and FIT students have in recent memory been busted for dealing drugs, and in September a Pace student was fatally shot after a drug deal gone wrong. Clearly, the only solution is to shut down all colleges.