Cops say that a thief managed to steal 96 (!) rolls of toilet paper from the Fairway Market in Red Hook. Naturally, the sight of someone walking out with eight 12-packs of TP aroused suspicions and a Fairway employee tried to stop him, but then the thief brandished a knife.

The incident occurred last month on June 30th at around 9:45 a.m. The suspect got away, and police say he's about 5'7" and 165 pounds, wearing a green t-shirt and white sneakers. (He'll probably also tell you he doesn't have a spare to square.)