As we've stated before, nobody cares about Derek Jeter's "fiancee" Minka Kelly as long as she's not getting in the way of his postseason performance. Though that might happen if he gets too distracted with this video loop of Kelly writhing on satin sheets on Esquire. The men's magazine has named the nurse-turned-actress the Sexiest Woman Alive. This year.

From the profile, we learn that Kelly changed her mind about getting breast implants, is happy to be 30 ("The twenties were a pain in the ass"), and her favorite pastimes were 4 a.m. grocery shopping trips after her mother got off her shift at the strip club. And for anyone trying to cozy up to the shortstop, she notes that Jeter thinks how one treats restaurant servers is a good indication of character. "It blows my mind that anyone could be unkind to anyone," she said. "The guy clearing our plates is a person...I don't care if you're cleaning my toilet. Not that I have someone to clean my toilet — I clean my own toilet."