So far the funnest thing about the forthcoming de Blasio administration is watching the NY Post impotently contort itself into a sneering pretzel of psycho-salty contempt. On the eve of election, the tabloid ran a cover story suggesting de Blasio was a Communist because he visited the Soviet Union during the Cold War. Now the Post editrolls are targeting possible City Council Speaker Melissa Mark-Viverito. Why should you fear/hate her? Anti-American cocaine coddling, that's why.

Mark-Viverito, who represents neighborhoods in the South Bronx and East Harlem, is largely seen as a frontrunner to replace Christine Quinn for Speaker (the successor will soon be decided by a City Council vote). Over the weekend mayor-elect Bill de Blasio was hanging in Puerto Rico with Mark-Viverito, who hails from the territory, and the mayor-elect's endorsement could be decisive. Mark-Viverito was an early supporter of de Blasio's campaign back when he languished near last place, and conventional wisdom has it that de Blasio will exert his influence to get her the Speaker's gig.

But not if the NY Post can help it! (And it can't.) Mark-Viverito must be stopped, and not just because she's a liberal Democrat far outside the boundaries of mainstream John Birch Society conservatism. Did you know that this one time she visited Bolivia, a country ruled by a socialist where a lot of cocaine is produced? Let the Post insinuate:

Mark-Viverito, Comptroller John Liu and Councilman Robert Jackson praised Morales after he spoke at the American Indian Community House in Lower Manhattan. During the speech, Morales denounced an American “conspiracy” to interfere with his socialists agenda, because the US had sought to reduce cocoa farming because it can be processed into cocaine.

Morales, a cocoa farmer by trade, was elected president with heavy support from the country’s farming community.

Cocoa is the active ingredient in hot chocolate, which liberals love to swill while blathering about their bestiality screenplays in hot, crowded bathrooms.

But it's not just Mark-Viverito's shadowy connection to Big Chocolate that makes her a menace to Order and Security, it's her buddy Morales's cocaine problem. Let a perfectly neutral and anonymous Democratic "politico" explain: "How many mothers lost their children to cocaine-fueled violence in East Harlem? What does she has to say to those mothers? It’s one thing to support repealing Rockefeller drug laws, it’s another thing to coddle the people who grow the cocaine." Blaz Speaker's A Coked-Up Tweaker blares the Post headline when Mark-Viverito gets the job.

And another thing! Mark-Viverito "often talks about how hard life is for the poor" but she herself is not poor! Everyone knows only poor people can have compassion for poor people; that's why it's best to just let them solve their own problems amongst themselves.