The mewls from the tiny, snowed-in Stradevariuses emanating from the Upper East Side have reached the sensitive ears of Mayor Bill de Blasio, who has just released a statement acknowledging his abject failure to properly plow the streets frequented by the city's precious Tax Base. "While the overall storm response across the city was well-executed, after inspecting the area and listening to concerns from residents earlier today," de Blasio says, removing David Koch's right sock and slowly, yet firmly, massaging his foot with tea tree oil, "I determined more could have been done to serve the Upper East Side."

"More could have been done to serve the Upper East Side." Feel better, Muffie?

Here's the full statement:

After hearing concerns about street conditions on the Upper East Side, I headed to the area to survey the streets for myself, and to hear from residents directly. While the overall storm response across the city was well-executed, after inspecting the area and listening to concerns from residents earlier today, I determined more could have been done to serve the Upper East Side.

I have instructed the Commissioner of the Department of Sanitation to double-down on cleanup efforts on the Upper East Side, and as a result, 30 vehicles and nearly 40 sanitation workers have been deployed to the area to finish the cleanup. Our crews will remain on the streets around the clock until the roadways are clear in every neighborhood, in every borough, across New York City.