On a recent trip to Penn Station, a number of commuters complained that the bathrooms were lacking. "They need another bathroom...and they need to clean them. Fix everything," commuter Amy Evans said. Well, Amy, lucky for you Gothamist gets RESULTS*—Amtrak officials say they will "refresh" the bathrooms in at least their portion of the station, so it's just a matter of time until I am on television telling everyone how great they are. (Seriously, see below.)

The Times reports that since Amtrak's finished repairing the tracks under Penn Station, they're turning their attention to the bathrooms, which noted excrement expert Tucker Carlson once repeatedly screamed were "disgusting" on television. The Times broke the good news to Carlson, but he did not seem placated.

“I’ve literally been to cleaner bathrooms in rural Pakistan,” Mr. Carlson said in an interview on Thursday, shortly after departing Penn Station on an Amtrak train, sated by a sausage-and-onion slice from Don Pepi. Told of Amtrak’s plans, he was not appeased.

“Freshen the bathrooms? Are you kidding?” Mr. Carlson said into his cellphone. He said Amtrak should not stop short of razing the entire building.

“The whole thing is like a stinking cave,” Mr. Carlson said. “It’s literally creepier than the Paris catacombs.”

Unfortunately for Carlson, it does not appear they're burning down Penn Station just yet, though co-chief Amtrak executive Charles W. Moorman told the Times the bathroom upgrade would be complete by the end of the year. As always, things will get worse before they get better: Amtrak says they'll probably bring in port-a-potties temporarily while the restrooms undergo their renovations.

*It's unclear whether it was actually Gothamist that got these aforementioned results, but I will take the credit regardless. Watch: