Raccoons are trying to take back New York City. This has been a fact for some time, but it appeared, briefly, that we reached some sort of détente. But that's all over now—at least one "frisky" raccoon has managed to outwit the NYPD in Brooklyn not once, but twice this week. Our only hope now is to unleash an army of bipedal New Jersey bears to eat the raccoons.

On Sunday morning, a raccoon reportedly tried to make his home behind the roll-down gate outside a tax prep office in Flatbush. An employee called the cops, who came to cart the little dude away—but since raccoons are much more wily than us measly humans, he was able to escape into a tree.


"He probably just wants to go to sleep now," one officer told his colleagues, according to the Daily News. But really the raccoon was off plotting his recourse—on Tuesday morning, a raccoon the Post describes as "frisky," hid behind the roll-down gate at Finest Furniture 2, also in Flatbush. When police approached Sir Frisky, he fled under a car, then ran up a tree, evading capture.

Though police did not confirm Sunday's and Tuesday's raccoons were one and the same, it's more comforting to believe merely one animal has the skills to break into various business establishments, not all of them. But we do know they're coming.

Let's hope for humanity's sake that they don't team up with the squirrels.