People move to the suburbs because of the schools and the back yards and the "safety"—and besides, when they did live in the city, they spent every night snuggling on the couch with Netflix anyway. Towns like Greenburgh (right by Dobbs Ferry, and... Irvington) are just a short Metro North ride away, and you can always make plans to come into town to meet old friends for dinner and then cancel at the last minute. But don't be fooled! The suburbs aren't as safe as your traitorous married friends claim: Last year there was a panther roaming the Hudson town of Sneden's Landing (still at large!) and yesterday a coyote attacked a 56-year-old Greenburgh woman, who is now hospitalized in stable condition. Later—just to make sure everybody got the message—the coyote bit a pit bull. It wouldn't dare pull this shit in Carroll Gardens.