Break out the monocles and tiny violins: a wealthy Manhattan octogenarian and her nonagenarian husband claim they were booted off the Queen Mary 2 luxury liner because of an argument with a fellow passenger that descended into an anti-semitic rant. Broadway producer Gloria Sher, 82, says that she and her husband's lives are ruined forevermore. No really, look: "I've been sick ever since. It has ruined our lives. It's changed us forever."

Sher and her husband, Frederick Evans, 91, met aboard the Queen Elizabeth 2 in 1991, so the two have an understandable sentimental attachment to living the high life while seasick on floating deathtraps for weeks on end. According to Sher, mere days into the couple's $20,000, five-week cruise, they got entangled with an argument at a black-tie dinner with a passenger who told Sher to shut up, and then added, "There are too many Jews on board." An enraged Sher, who is Jewish, profanely laced into the man. The next morning the ship's captain, who the couple knew from other cruises, informed them that they had insulted a fellow passenger, implying that Sher had pushed the passenger, and would have to deboard the ship: "He told two seniors we had to get off in Quebec and make our way home. We begged him not to do this," said Sher, who produced the Tony-nominated musical Shenandoah. The couple were able to convince the captain to let them stay aboard till they got back to NY, and spent the six days interim as shut-ins.

But wait! Just as in the game Clue, there is more than one side to every story: another passenger told the Post that Sher tends to get belligerent when drinking, and that she went on a rant one night because a lounge's piano was closed. Was this anonymous source actually the butler in disguise? Let's ask a passenger who agreed to talk on the record: "This is deplorable. I felt that they were absolutely treated without appropriate dignity," said Fred Bangasser, a retired Army colonel who had befriended the couple during the cruise. But the cruise line said in a statement that, "Sir Evans and Lady Sher engaged in multiple incidences of disrespectful and disruptive behavior towards crew members and other guests." Yes, as we continue to pry open this onion, the layers just stink more and more.

Although it's ruined their lives irrevocably, Sher and Evans should concentrate on the bright spots, the things that make them happy; for example, Sher likes to tell people that her hubby is the illegitimate son of the Duke of Windsor, the abdicated King Edward VIII, as well as a British knight. Although neither claim could be confirmed, that sounds like something that could very well maybe be true perhaps. They should just be happy that the tension aboard the ship wasn't resolved in a knife fight.