Last month the acerbic Stuy Town blog Luxe Living—which previously chronicled hallway defecation and other abominations that have befallen the development since it fell into the maladroit hands of real estate giant Tishman Speyer—scared some Stuy Townies. In a post criticizing parents for letting their children raucously play outside on a Saturday morning, Luxe Living published an e-mail from a resident complaining about "two little velociraptors having at each other while their parents, both of whom are with them, do nothing. Parents, nobody likes your kids. THEY ARE ONLY CUTE TO YOU. Keep them indoors, tied up, gagged, drugged, WHATEVER, and stop letting them loose at 8AM on Saturday mornings." As illustration, the post featured an image of a crying child in a rifle scope's crosshairs.

There were some mild rebukes in post's comment section, with one commenter writing, "Maybe it is just me, but I find the comments threatening the use of violence a little disconcerting." Another declared, "I can't hear you over the sound of my shotgun blasts. It's so freakin great there are so many fat kids these days. My aim can be off and it's still mission accomplished!!!!" Luxe Living subsequently changed the image to what you see here, but EV Grieve reports that "a few angry residents were fearful that a real whackjob was living among them." Of course, Stuy Town was targeted by a sniper in 2002, so you can understand why some readers might be alarmed. And they called the cops. Luxe Living writes:

Detectives from the 13th Precinct stopped by today to check on my lucidity and be sure there were no guns in my apartment after some tenants complained that I was inciting violence by posting an email sent to me for the "Tenant to Children: STFU!" post...

It has come to our attention that some of Stuy Town's new suburban transplants haven't caught on that Lux Living is a satirical website even with such lively content. Unfortunately, when they moved to the city not only did they bring their ill-behaving children and bourgeoisie sensibilities, they also brought their fear mongering. The downside to this, aside from becoming a terrible bore to those around them, is that they lost the ability to distinguish a perceived threat from over the top, in-poor-taste, Married With Children / John Waters / Always Sunny-esque humor.

After questioning the blogger and touring the apartment, police were satisfied that Luxe Life simply isn't sniper material, "just a writer with a dark sense of humor and not a threat to society." At press time, officers were still trying to track down one Jonathan Swift, a blogger who may also be a cannibal.