Online dating is great because it combines all the stress of dating with the ceaseless howling vortex of the internet, creating a unique nightmare that not even the best of our mid-90s techno-thrillers could have imagined. And as if it's not enough to worry about being catfished, or receiving a flood of dick pics, or winding up on one of those "LOL look at these weirdos on Tinder" Tumblrs, the Post is here to place a new fear atop the Internet Dating Fear Pyramid: being defrauded into investing in a non-existent high-tech surgical glove scheme by a man you met online.

That is, admittedly, a very specific thing to be afraid of, but it's happened at least once, apparently, so it's worth fearing. The very aptly named Thomas CONnerton has been accused by the SEC of duping six women he romanced online, and their friends and families, into giving him an astounding $2.3 million dollars for shares in a non-existent company that was supposed to make non-stick surgical gloves, but never made anything, because it didn't actually exist.

What did Connerton do with the money that was given to him instead of investing it in what sounds like a useful and important medical breakthrough? The SEC broke it down in their complaint [pdf] against him, with helpful charts showing how much money went towards alleged medical miracle company Safety Technologies, LLC (not too much of it) and how much went towards Thomas Connerton (way too much of it). The SEC says Connerton mostly spent the money on himself, but in an attempt to prove romance isn't dead, he did spend $20,000 on an engagement ring for one of the women he met online. Then again, a more detailed financial breakdown could potentially prove that Connerton just spent his fiancee's own money on her, so maybe it wasn't so romantic after all.

So, in addition to warning signs like group shot profile pictures where you can't tell which face belongs to your potential match, and pre-date texting that becomes a little too aggressive, also beware of people who lead with "What's cookin' good lookin'? I've got a tremendous investment opportunity I'd like to tell you about over dinner."