Lest you think it's just entrepreneurial young women who hire out their, er, youthful services to the rich and lusty oldsters for some extra pocket cash, a Columbia student says he's been earning some serious dolla dolla bills by working as a male escort. Serious money, like, an all-expenses-paid $15,000 trip to Tuscany kind of deal that will make you quit your day job, move into your local gym and start watching The Wedding Date on repeat.
The unnamed student penned a tell-all for the Columbia Lion, which was published earlier this week. Apparently, he's been picking up lonely ladies—neglected wives, divorced mothers, shy women, etc.—and giving them the ultimate "Boyfriend Experience," which, unlike our own college Boyfriend Experience, does not seem to involve him getting stoned after his Faulkner seminar, playing FIFA 3000 for six hours and forgetting your dinner plans.
Instead, he rakes in $1,200 for, say, four hours of dinner and après-dinner sex; he's reportedly gotten paid (more than once!) "about $800 to sit in a room and pop balloons while a woman masturbates," raked in $15K on the aforementioned Tuscany trip, and one woman even had him accompany her and her daughters to a Justin Bieber concert so they could have sex in the bathroom. And he's a Prince Charming! An excerpt:
A lot of my friends, on the other hand, are Pornstar Experience escorts, so they get a whole variety of women that usually have secret fetishes and expect crazy sex marathons. I tried that for a while, but the BFE money is better, and there's only so many times you can let a woman have at you with a strapon before it starts feeling a little too gay4pay. (My limit is once.)
My boss has her own divisions: within BFE escorts, the most common are the Dreamy Bad Boys and the Prince Charmings. There's also random giant lumberjack dudes and skinny nerds and everything in between, but mostly it's the bad boys and princes.
I'm a Prince Charming; she tells me it's because I remind middle-aged women of that popular guy they liked in high school, even though I rarely play sports and was definitely not That Guy in high school. But I guess it fits, one of my first dates was taking a girl who'd been dumped earlier that day to her senior prom when I was 19.
Apparently, he sends checks back home to help support his large family. "As well as it pays, I'm not exactly looking for my baby siblings to dream of growing up and making it big as an escort," he wrote. "But fuck it, if I can get paid $15,000 to spend a December week lounging on a beach in Tuscany instead of freezing my ass off in New York, I'm going to do it, while I'm still young enough to be hired for that sort of gig."
This anonymous tale may seem a little tall, since any savvy media person can tell you these crafty college kids cannot be trusted, but the Lion assures its readers that they verified the author's background. Though they could have included some sort of photo, at least.