Scientists in South Africa have discovered a "leaproach," which is essentially a cockroach that can JUMP "on par with grasshoppers." As in, jump out of your dreams and into your kitchen. Or sheets. Or [insert special place where you go in your apartment where you don't feel vulnerable from the alienating chasms of granite and filth].

Not much is known about the new species, as "prior to its discovery, jumping cockroaches were only known from the Late Jurassic." But don't call your Super just yet: it's believed to be in South Africa exclusively, so we still have a few weeks before it shows up in a hotel in Times Square and becomes BFF's with bedbugs. Puzzlingly, stories on the roach have failed to mention the "singing cockroach" that was discovered by MTV in the mid-'90s.