Are you confused by informative, exhaustively researched, interactive charts on each presidential candidate's possible paths to the White House? Tired of reasoned analysis by seasoned journalists? Do you often ask for extra garlic butter slurry with your Hawaiian BBQ Chicken pizza from Papa Johns? Are you waiting for Halo 4 to turn up at your doorstep instead of voting? Are you just better off not procreating? CNN has you covered, because they're projecting tonight's election returns (with state-of-the-art Skyscraper Technology) onto the Empire State Building. Finally, results you can understand: one color-candidate will be taller (and thus superior) than the other!
From CNN's release:
This occasion will mark the iconic Empire State Building’s first-ever use of their new custom LED panel technology, a state-of-the-art dynamic lighting system from Philips Color Kinetics that is unique to the Empire State Building and will allow the building’s façade and mast to change lighting scenes in real-time.
Whoa, you mean someone will be flipping light switches in "real-time" in response to the speculations of a bearded man on televisions that people will already be watching? Maybe the team at the Large Hadron Collider should let CNN take a look to see what the discovery holdup is.
The four-sided tower, which sits atop the building more than a quarter of a mile from the streets of Manhattan, will be illuminated in patriotic red, white and blue vertical stripes, while the mast will be lit in blue and in red on two sides each to represent President Obama and Gov. Romney’s respective electoral vote totals. CNN, which will exclusively shoot footage from the rooftop of a neighboring building, will air live images of the illuminated tower as the evening’s results progress. When CNN projects a winner of the presidential election, the tower lights of the Empire State Building will change color to all-blue or to all-red.
Ohhhh, ok, it's four-sided: got that, people? Wait, is that supposed to be some Romney gag? Anyway, we're hungry. Jab us in the ribs when the Pointy Metal God makes flashy.