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City's War On Teens Intensifies With Ban On New Hookah Bars

Sorry teens, you can't play.
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Sorry teens, you can't play. via Jason Kuffer's Flickr

The city's angsty teens and NYU art kids, already stuck playing "Hey Mister" just to get a pack of cigarettes, were dealt another blow from the International Adult Conspiracy this week as the City Council passed a pair of bills that prohibits new hookah bars from opening in the city. It also raises the age at which you can buy tobacco paraphernalia to 21.

One new law from the City Council, passed by an overwhelming 37-5 vote, added hookah smoke to the city's indoor smoking ban, prohibits new hookah lounges from opening in the city and only permits current hookah bars to stay open if they can prove that at least 50 percent of their revenue comes from shisha sales according to the Daily News.

Admittance to hookah bars will be restricted people who are at least 21 years of age, robbing teens of a place to feel very adult and mature after some Carlo Rossi-based pre-gaming. In addition, the hookah bars will have to continue to prove that they aren't using tobacco in their shisha mixtures, something that the city has cracked down on previously.

"Today we once and for all 'clear the air' on the dangers of hookah smoking," bill sponsor Vincent Gentile said in a frankly offensive pun following the passage of the law.

Gentile said the requirement that hookah bars make at least half of their money from shisha sales aims to prevent "the ones that have a hookah pipe at the end of the bar, or have a hookah pipe in a restaurant where you come with your children to have a Sunday dinner, and all of a sudden there's hookah smoke in the restaurant."

In another blow to cool teens who could show off their cigarette rolling technique at parties, the Council also passed a separate bill from Council Member Ydanis Rodriguez that will restrict the sale of any tobacco products including rolling papers, herbal cigarettes and liquid nicotine to anyone under the age of 21. At this rate, it's going to illegal to cause drama on Snapchat within like five years, so enjoy it while you can, teens.

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