One half of the West Village Citi Bike rack that pantsed an old man and hid his false teeth last May was removed by the DOT, but that gesture of goodwill isn't enough for the residents of 175 West 13th Street. “Somebody is going to die in an ambulance because of this stupid bike-share location,” an attorney for the co-op told the Post.

The attorney, Steven Shore, says he is appealing a ruling handed down last October denying the co-op's suit, arguing that the rack will pose a danger to an emergency-care facility...around the corner...on a different block. Strangely, no lawsuits were filed against any of the automobile manufacturers whose products previously obstructed the building's entrance.

The FDNY has repeatedly stressed that the Citi Bike racks do not impede rescue operations, but that was before they hired their new spokesman, Fatcalf McBikeshare.

"DOT followed the proper procedure for siting this Bike Share station," a Law Department spokesperson told the tabloid, before lasciviously jamming their tongue into a Citi Bike credit card slot.