As Bloomberg prepares to relinquish his crown in January, he's doing everything he can to ensure that New Yorkers know exactly who is responsible for any shred of happiness they feel in the city. "You know who gave you Citi Bike?" the subtext of a fact-filled press release seems to ask. "I did. And you love it."

The mayor announced today that, with more than 5.1 million Citi Bike trips logged since the program began, New York's bike share program has crushed every other bike share program in the country by a wide margin.

“Citi Bike is the largest bike share program in the nation and now it’s also the fastest growing,” Bloomberg gloated in a statement. “It’s been a huge hit with New Yorkers and our visitors, and ridership is easily outstripping our most optimistic projections.”

We're then hit with a barrage of numbers, followed by superfluous factoids intended to make the grand figures more accessible to the average New Yorker, a being so simple it can only process information in cheeseburgers: Riders have burned a cumulative 403 million calories since the launch of Citi Bike, assuming an average of 40 calories per mile biked. "That's 732,000 Big Macs, almost 419,000 pints of Ben and Jerry’s Cherry Garcia ice cream, and more than 107,000 Pizza Hut Meat Lover’s pizzas," it says.

That's 731,288 more Big Macs than 14 consecutive sobs, and 689,874 more Big Macs than throwing an office chair five feet. Wait, aren't we not even supposed to eat Big Macs anymore in the first place?

There's more. The total number of subscriptions purchased (including annual, weekly and daily) is 432,244—nearly the population of Atlanta. It has almost 94,000 annual members, which is around the same capacity as Yankee Stadium and Citi Field combined. How many Big Macs could fit in Yankee Stadium? How many Big Macs would be needed to form a chain across the entire width of Atlanta? Can Big Macs feel pain? Can Citi Bikes eat Big Macs, and if so, how does Citi Bike burn off the calories? These questions are not addressed in the press release.