NEWS FLASH FROM THE VATICAN: Newly elevated Cardinal Timothy Dolan is unable to remove his fancy cardinal ring because he's gotten too fat from eating pasta in Italy. The Last Temptation Of Dolan: Carbonara.

The Post reports ("exclusively!"), "The 18-karat ring — designed by the pope and made by the Savi Brothers jewelry shop near the Vatican — is highlighted by the images of Saints Peter and Paul. The ring also features a star on the front, symbolizing the Virgin Mary, and an engraved depiction of the pope’s coat of arms on the inside. Dolan admitted he hadn’t seen the inside design yet — saying the mystery behind why the ring may be a tad tight is that he’s plumped up during his stay in Rome." The doctor who helped him lose 25 pounds had told the Daily News last week that he wasn't worried about Dolan's Roman holiday diet because the last time he was there, Dolan actually lost five pounds; overall, Dr. Howard Shapiro said, "My main goal is to keep him healthy so that he lives long enough to become the Pope." But look at these pictures of the Cardinal chowing on some carbs!

Thank goodness Lent starts on Wednesday: Dolan said, "It will be no more pasta; it’s going to be a lot of celery sticks, celery sticks without any salt." Ew, celery sticks without any salt?