Feeling lonely? Delete that OkCupid account and head down to Capital Hill, because Senator Chuck Schumer's ready to take you to the land of luuuuurve! Today, the Times published a piece on the "nuptial output" over at Schumer's headquarters, and it turns out the Senator's something of a Good Luck Chuck when it comes to marrying off his staffers.

There have been ten staff-member-to-staff-member weddings since Schumer was elected in 1999, with another two scheduled for the fall. And it's not just coincidence, either! Apparently, like all good Yentas, Schumer pays close attention to who's shtupping who, nudging them towards the altar and dispensing tidbits of life advice: "Have kids; have a lot of kids," "Marry a solid, good person," and "Put down that damn laser pointer!" (We're just assuming with that last one). He's also reportedly quite the life of the wedding party—he loves "It's Raining Men" because, as he told the Times, the message is, "It's going to rain men, so you're going to find somebody nice."

And once the ketubah's been signed, Schumer likes to find out how soon the offspring will be spawned, envisioning a world filled with tiny, Greek yogurt-eating, bath salt-free Schumer babies. "After the marriage happens, the immediate question is: when is the baby?" one former staffer who was successfully set up by the Senator and his wife told the Times. "After the baby happens, the immediate question is, when's the next one?" And the next one, and the next one, and the next one... Be sure to look out for more of Schumer's matchmaking escapades, which we expect to find wedged into Bravo's fall lineup next season!