Chris Christie Will Give GOP Keynote Speech Packed With "Hard Truth"

Everything's coming up Kristol! First Mitt Romney chose Eddie Munster stunt-double Paul Ryan as his running mate (just as his master desired), now the Weekly Standard editor will see his hero Chris Christie give the keynote speech at the GOP convention. "I'll try to tell some very direct and hard truths to people in the country about the trouble that we're in and the fact that fixing those problems is not going to be easy for any of them," the New Jersey governor told USA Today, sounding eerily similar to Bruce Springsteen's forthcoming album, Direct & Hard Truths: We're In Trouble, America.

Romney himself will be introduced by Florida Senator Marco Rubio, who is either the Future of the GOP or a guy who bought $100,000 worth of personal crap on a party credit card and was passed over for the VP nomination because of it, depending on what you watch on TV.

The RNC begins in Tampa, Florida on August 27th, and lasts until Mitt Romney finally relents and visits an "undressing bar" the 31st.