Lest you forget, Chris Christie is one of the six billion ego-trippers vying for the GOP nomination. And he promises that one of his first orders of business, should someone permit him to make the White House his castle, will be to defund Planned Parenthood, just as he's done in New Jersey for the last six years.
Envision this future while you enjoy this Vine of Christie falling out of a chair:
Christie has cut his state's Planned Parenthood funding for nearly a decade, though he first claimed the cuts were due to a budget crisis—one can't scrimp on hot dogs and truffle-laced nachos, after all. Of course, now Christie's trying to pander to a far more Conservative base, and he's using his prior actions to prove his merit as an anti-abortion activist.
The NJ Advance reported that the governor doubled down on the defunding recently, after an undercover video allegedly showing one of the organization's officials discussing the disposal of aborted fetuses came to light (Planned Parenthood says the video's a fraudulent hit job). "Now, with the most recent revelation, there's even more reason not to fund Planned Parenthood," Christie said in South Carolina. "I've vetoed funding for Planned Parenthood and if I were president of the United States I would do exactly the same."
While Planned Parenthood clinics do perform abortions, they also provide gynecological exams, STD testing, breast cancer screenings, birth control, and family planning counseling, among other essential services. Defunding the organization nationwide would pose a health risk for millions of Americans.
Then again, if the polls stay as they are, Christie won't have a chance to show Planned Parenthood who's boss—Donald Trump is currently killing his GOP competition, so we can all look forward to the majestic casino he'll install in the U.S. Capitol instead.