There's a common misconception that drug mules are always chic sophisticates forever stuffing their goods in their designer bags, or at least shifty eyed ne'er-do-wells with wrists full of prison tats. Today, the NY Post upended everything we thought we knew about nerd culture with the startling revelation that even smooth-faced four-eyed geeks can smuggle drugs from China.
"LOL Pill-Poppin' Poindexter Prison-Bound," the jocks at the Post basically report.
Hunter College student Daren Moshe, 22, does appear to be your garden variety square: Wire-rimmed glasses, rosy cheeks, arched eyebrows particularly well-suited for the role of Dungeon Master. So imagine how scandalized his fellow members of the Science Honor Society must have been when he was busted trying to run more than a pound of Alpha PVP—similar in theme to MDMA, or molly— into the states on Friday.
According to court filings, Moshe was attempting to smuggle the drugs from Shanghai concealed in a crate of "rabbit-shaped lamps." Homeland Security was not fooled by the clever ruse, as they promptly discovered the goods during a routine search at JFK. Moshe was busted as he tried to collect the lamps from a UPS Store in White Plains.
No one in the history of the universe has ever ordered a pallet of rabbit lamps without some illegal substance stuffed inside. Moshe will certainly learn this, and other important life lessons, in prison, which will be a far more enriching academic experience than some lousy college could ever provide.