We're not going to beat around the bush: we've really missed kooky Buffalo real estate millionaire and failed Gubernatorial candidate Carl Paladino. We've missed the baseball bats, the bestiality porn, the unbridled enthusiasm anger, and most of all, the absurd, ranty e-mails. We were nervous Paladino might retire quietly with dignity, and move to a little home in Florida with his wife, his children, his love child, and his love child's mother. But that's not our Carl!

According to a story in the Buffalo News, Paladino owes a boatload of money to many of the people who worked and campaigned for him last year; they report that he stiffed about a dozen consultants, vendors and staff members for some $130,000 in salaries, fees and expenses. Among that group is his former campaign manager, Michael Caputo, who was by his side during every misstep of his whole misguided campaign; they also say that his campaign committee, Paladino for the People, is deep in debt. "I would have expected a nice thank-you from Carl for all the hard work I had contributed, but instead I got screwed," said Tim Suereth, who first served as manager of internal operations and later as an unpaid volunteer.

But Carl being Carl, he responded with a series of lengthy, rambly, pissed off screeds denying anyone was owed any money. In one e-mail sent out to the media, he wrote:

The March 12, 2011 the Buffalo News front-page headline story "Paladino campaign reneges on debts" was apparently more important to its spineless publisher, editor and reporter than the tragic nuclear meltdown in Japan. The unsubstantiated, libelous and defamatory lies and fabrications illustrating the malicious and hostile intent of the News will not go unanswered.

My campaign owes nothing to Michael Caputo or his band of parasitic malcontents against whom we have defenses, offsets or counterclaims. None were employees. All were independent contractors on nebulous oral agreements made without authority by Caputo. Their plan was to see what they could rip off before they get caught.

He sent a longer, even angrier missive to MetrowNY, in which he really focuses all of his rage on the Buffalo News and its writers/editors, who admittedly treated Paladino like a pinata during the campaign. Here's one fun excerpt:

SPINELESS AND HIS HATCHET MAN

You have no idea what it means to be fair and accurate. You already wrote your next dribble. You just want to say that I declined to comment. The community knows how you and your paper work. You live in a bubble. No one with half a brain in WNY cares what you write. You're a stooge for the spineless Stan Lipsey. Crawl back under your rock and tell spineless it is time to go home to Nebraska.

Forget Charlie Sheen; what do you think we'd have to do to get Carl to answer our mailbag for us?