After weeks of anticipation heralded by weeks of Park Slope giveaways, the de Blasios finally left Brooklyn for the pastures of Manhattan, and moved into Gracie Mansion this week. All the donated West Elm furniture in the world wasn't going to be enough to pay for this little adventure: according to the Times, the move cost nearly $145,000. Below, we've broken down exactly how this exorbitant amount was reached.

  • West Elm furniture: $65,000 (donated by West Elm)
  • How much it would have cost if they had just used hollow/plastic West Elm prop furniture: Some amount much, much less than $65,000, probably in the $1,400 ish range, but that's just a ballpark estimate. Please contact your local West Elm for more specific information
  • Repainting walls, refinishing floors, refurbishing kitchen (a kitchen located IN THE ATTIC, because who doesn't love to cook in the attic?): $25,488 (paid for by the NYC Parks Department, who certainly couldn't have used that money toward anything else)
  • Increasing the height of every room in the building to accommodate towering giants: Priceless
  • Increasing the width of every door frame to better protect the sanctity of Dante's ever-growing afro: Also priceless
  • Unspecified security measures: $3,100 (paid for by the mayor's office)
  • How much installing Slomin's Shield would have cost: $1,289
  • How much identity theft protection Lifelock would have cost: 9/11
  • Carpet cleaning, relocating artwork & furniture (mostly to storage), performing "decorative touch ups": $45,026 (paid for by Gracie Mansion Conservancy, which is funded by private donors)
  • Amount of money that could have been donated to charity by private donors if the de Blasios had stayed in Brooklyn instead of moving into a venerable museum: $45,026 ("Gracie Mansion has not had residents in over 12 years; it had to be turned back into a home," noted de Blasio spokesperson Rebecca Katz)
  • Transporting belongings from Brooklyn to Manhattan: $6,135.39 (unclear who paid for this)
  • How much it would have cost if Dante had helped his dad pack up their things in brown boxes, and then they rented a U-Haul like everyone else does: $19.95 plus mileage and the promise of another Italian motorboat ride
  • Cost of dining around the Upper East Side: Delicious (and way more than we can afford)
  • Strange but sharp reminder that our mayor is no longer a diminutive billionaire who can afford a token salary in exchange for dolling out withering dismissals of critics and journalists: More priceless every day.