NYPD Commissioner Bill Bratton hates a lot of things: rap music, rappers, the Black Lives Matter movement, the City Council, cell phone cameras, weed, and staying in NYC on the weekends, just to name a few. Now, something new has earned Bratton's ire—Pokémon Go, the "stupid" augmented reality app that's turning Millennials into "walking zombies," or maybe that's K2, who can keep track of the fads these days!
Though Pokémon Go may be the answer to pressing societal matters like police reform, obesity, and the ever-changing Facebook news feed algorithm, Bratton's not into it. “That craze is one of the stupidest ones I’ve seen,” he said today. “I haven’t the faintest interest in that stupid craze, don’t understand it.”
In fact, the only thing dumber than Pokémon Go are those dumb idiot millennials (and on-duty cops!) that play it, apparently. “I think too many people have been watching the zombie shows on TV and basically our millennials seem to be fascinated with making themselves walking zombies,” he said. “It’s like looking for a tooth fairy.”
Note that the tooth fairy was a goddamn hero—by the time I lost all my teeth I was able to purchase a Thumbelina action figure, and Bratton's shade is unappreciated. But I digress.
Bratton pointed out that Pokémon Go has presented an unusual safety issue, having attracted muggers, cheaters, and bad drivers during its short time in the States. Yesterday the NYPD released a list of safety tips to combat Pokémon Go-related injuries and crime.
Take heed, millennials and the rest of mankind, the NYC Police Commissioner disproves of your silly games. Stand up with the rebellion and catch all the Meowths 'til your fingers bleed.