After just 87 days, BP has fully contained the oil gushing out of a broken well in the Gulf of Mexico. Or so they say. After replacing an ill-fitting cap over the weekend with a newer, custom-fitted cap, BP claims that for the first time since 4/20, there is no oil leaking into the Gulf. The new top hat is a temporary solution until the oil well can be permanently sealed via relief wells which are being drilled toward the blown-out well.

"Engineers will watch pressure readings to see if the cap is working," the AP reports. "High pressure is better, because it means the oil is staying within the cap and not escaping through an unknown leak. Low pressure means there could be another leak." Obama's gonna finally have some good news for Malia tonight!