The US Border Patrol is supposed to keep us safe from wars of Canadian aggression started by John Candy, but for the last several years they've been boarding buses and trains, arresting anyone who doesn't have proper "papers."

According to a report [pdf] by the NYCLU, from 2006 to 2009, 2,743 people were arrested in transportation raids. 76% of them had been in the US for more than a year, and 12% had been here for longer than a decade. Less than 1% of these arrests occurred on the border itself. Cue the depressing video of a couple getting kicked off an Amtrak train in Buffalo because their green cards are pending.

Only cold-blooded criminals hellbent on exploiting our country's resources would wear an Adidas sweatshirt like that. Border Patrol cites a federal statute that allows them to operate within 100 miles of the border, but 97% of the country's population lives within 100 miles of the border. "The Border Patrol takes an extremely broad view of its mission that would disturb most Americans, who expect to be able to go about their daily lives without having to prove their citizenship to armed government agents," NYCLU advocacy director Udi Ofer says in a release.

"These 'show me your papers' tactics belong in a police state, not the world's oldest democracy," says Ofer. Don't worry, President Cain's electric fence or President Perry's Predator Drones will eliminate the need for these patrols anyway. A spokesperson from Customs and Border Protection tells the Times that they've cut back on the transportation raids. "It's not that we're stopping them," she says, "We're trying to be smarter about how we do it."

Can we start applying that same tactic to our southern border?