Despite the sweet warmth of booze in the bloodstream being almost the only thing making a January football game bearable, the Meadowlands Stadium will not be serving alcohol at Sunday night's Jets game against the Bengals. Team spokesman Bruce Speight said that the decision to serve alcohol is made on a game-by-game basis, and factors for this decision include its being a night game, the last game of the season and most likely the last game ever in the old stadium. Ocho Cinco-No!

Apparently that combination leads to "concerns about fan behavior," which hasn't been the greatest in the past. Speight says that in lieu of alcohol, the first 70,000 fans in the stadium will be given white “rowdy towels” with “Win and We’re In” printed in green on them. Because who needs beer to get rowdy when the towels have "rowdy" right in the name? J! E! T! S!