There are myriad questionable ways to woo women—sending unsolicited dick picks, for instance, making insulting remarks about their race, or posting flyers all over town asking ladies to be Yours. Then, there's the dashing gentleman above—he allegedly pretended to be a federal "FDA" agent to win a damsel's heart. He's since been arrested, but it's NBD, boys only want love when it's torture.
The Post reports that Joseph Figueroa, a 54-year-old worker at a bodega on Nagle Avenue in Inwood, posed as a “federal task force agent for abused females and kids” to woo a 36-year-old beauty salon owner on whom his heart was set. And he was no casual impersonator: "Full [law enforcement] light package in his car. Lights, sirens. Fake parking plaques. The whole nine," a source told the tabloid. "Every time he meets with her, he is in full uniform with a gun."
Unfortunately for Figueroa, his beloved eventually figured out he wasn't the "FDA Agent" he purported to be. "She starts to realize that he might not be legit," the source told the Post, noting that he then began stalking her and her friends. "“He was popping up at their homes at night, unannounced, telling them he was ‘the law’ and they can’t get rid of him,” the source said.
Once Figueroa's anguish became too much for him to handle, he allegedly pulled a fake gun on her. He was summarily arrested and charged with harassment, forgery and unlawful surveillance. And apparently this isn't Figueroa's first experience with fictitious law enforcement—the Post says he's got prior arrests for impersonating law enforcement, as well as robbery, burglary, and weapons possession.
Swipe left, ladies. Swipe left.