If middle school wasn't uncomfortable enough already, the city's 7th graders are being forced to answer an essay question on the accomplishments of Mayor Bloomberg, the man who tried to take away their giant soda and left their educational fates in the hands of a magazine publisher. Actually, this particular assignment should be pretty straightforward, if you think about it.

The prompt asks students to read Bloomberg's 2013 commencement speech to Stanford University, compare him to a deceased Australian mountain climber and assess whether their successes or failures had a greater impact on their respective lives. Bloomberg and a foreign mountain climber? Scholastic must have really been scraping the bottom of the Notable Persons barrel, but then again, these test questions are written by volunteers so...wait, what? The tests cost $600,000 to create?! An actual 7th grader could write more successful questions. Here's the whole thing:

Our lives are impacted by (1) the mistakes we make and (2) the accomplishments we achieve. Which of the two had a greater impact on the lives of Michael Bloomberg and Lincoln Hall? Use explicit and inferred evidence from the texts to support your claim. Be sure to acknowledge counterclaims and include evidence from both texts.

Parents were understandably incensed. “It takes a lot of nerve,” Nick Comaianni told the Daily News. “It’s not like he’s a dead president or dignitary from pre-World War II.”

To be fair, though, the commencement speech was pretty great. Here's an excerpt:

A friend recently told me a story about his son - a college graduate who moved back home and is starting a tech company in his house.

Every morning, he wakes up, showers, and puts on a suit and tie because he wants to start his day with the mindset of: ‘I’m going to succeed.

That’s just harder to do when you’re in your pajamas trying to pat down your bed head. True, many of you are going to work at companies where - if you wear a suit, you’ll feel like your grandparents at a Daft Punk concert.

But just wait until your second or third job: Hello Brooks Brothers!

Hello Brooks Brothers, indeed! Let's write an essay on that, shall we?