Between the allegations of rampant cocaine use, George Clooney-esque charisma, and a winky dinky penis size, it doesn't feel like we could possibly learn much more new information about Bernie Madoff and the shenanigans that went on at his offices. And yet: new allegations surfaced this week that Madoff had been involved in a love triangle with one of five Madoff Securities workers who are currently on trial for their roles in the $65 billion Ponzi scheme.

According to the News, prosecutors declined to specify which of the five defendants was prey to Madoff's undeniable sexuality—but that doesn't leave too many choices. That includes former secretary Annette Bongiorno (whom the Post describes as "his short, portly 65-year-old ex-secretary"), office worker Joann Crupi (who previously told the court she has a lesbian partner and two adopted sons), or the wife of one of the three men accused in the indictment.

According to the suit, "the government's investigation has revealed that over the course of the multi-decade fraud alleged in the indictment, a number of Madoff Securities employees and customers - including expected witnesses, defendants and others - were engaged in romantic or sexual relationships," with one another. This isn't the first time Madoff allegedly stepped out with an employee; accountant Sheryl Weinstein wrote a tell-all about her affair with him, which included the aforementioned small penis details.

In other Madoff news, his only surviving son, 47-year-old Andrew, received a donor lymphocyte infusion this week to help him fight stage-four cancer. He added that regardless of whether he survives, it won't change his feelings toward his father: "Even on my deathbed I will never forgive him for what he did."