It's easy to get caught up in the moment and forget about those who are hurting the most this holiday season: old, rich white men, who have suffered the slings of the 99% despite being responsible for all that is good in the world. Thankfully Bloomberg News was able to track down these noble creatures to find out what they think about the legions of Americans who believe in greater income equality. "Who gives a crap about some imbecile?" 82-year-old billionaire and co-founder of Home Depot, Bernard Marcus says. "Are you kidding me?"
Sure, the 1% may make 36 times more money than the median household, and most Americans support raising taxes on Americans who make more than $250,000. But look how many people don't owe any taxes at all!
Let Blackstone Group CEO Stephen Schwarzman, who once paid Patti Labelle and the Abyssinian Baptist Church choir to sing him a song about himself, explain the need for more sacrifice using the not-meanacing-at-all metaphor of bodily harm. "You have to have skin in the game. I'm not saying how much people should do. But we should all be part of the system." Except these companies that all made massive profits and didn't pay net income taxes. Their skin is sensitive and can't withstand all that exfoliation.
All the criticism is even affecting the health of these men. Former New York gubernatorial candidate and tax-dodging billionaire plutocrat Tom Golisano says, "If I hear a politician use the term 'paying your fair share' one more time, I'm going to vomit." At the time of the interview, Golisano was celebrating his 70th birthday "with girlfriend Monica Seles." If there's one thing that doesn't want to make anyone vomit, it's the thought of Tom Golisano and Monica Seles.
Home Depot's other co-founder, 76-year-old billionaire Ken Langone, loves cats and therefore doesn't mind being called one.
“I am a fat cat, I’m not ashamed,” he said last week in a telephone interview from a dressing room in his Upper East Side home. “If you mean by fat cat that I’ve succeeded, yeah, then I’m a fat cat. I stand guilty of being a fat cat.”
Fat cats should probably remember what "on the record" means when trying to rehab their image. "Too big to fail" is never too big to quote.