The overly caramelized crème brûlée molded into the vague shape of a male human named "Donald Trump" plunked down next to Jimmy Kimmel on the Tee-Vee last night to form words with his mouthhole. These word noises are by now familiar—Muslims, airplanes blown out of the sky, bad stuff, strength, publicity—but what was refreshing was seeing somebody on late night television at least mildly challenge the unhinged hair-topped dessert product who will be Amerikkka's next Führer.
"I have many, many friends who are Muslim, and they're great people," Trump fucking lied while staring into your grandmother's soul and gently seducing her as she catches up on her TiVo programming this morning. "I will tell you some of them aren't so thrilled with what I said, but many of them called me and they said, 'You know, Donald, you're right. We have a problem.'"
"Those may have been crank calls," Kimmel later quipped. "Did you check the caller ID?"
Kimmel's most compelling (and obvious) point was this: "But isn't it un-American and wrong to discriminate against people based on their religion?" [CUE APPLAUSE] The problem is that sane, long-established Enlightenment tenets like this are carefully silenced by Trump's high-tech hair filter. He immediately pivoted into Paris, terrorism, death, fear—fresh red meat for your grandparents' next xenophobic mass email. The biggest difference between you and your grandparents? They vote.
And here's Trump promising that his wall along the border with Mexico will have "a big, beautiful wall." It's going to be Very Classy. And that's why he's "going to win the Hispanic vote."