First there was chatter in the queue for the monkey bars, then rumors hit a fever pitch on pizza day: there was a way your Mom could make the appalling lines at Disney World simply go away. Today the Post attempts to expose a practice that has heretofore been playground folklore: parents are paying disabled tour guides to let their kids skip lines in the Magic Kingdom.

The tabloid alleges that a company called Dream Tours Florida offers the services of a scooter-bound guide bearing a "handicapped" sign for $130 an hour, which is way cheaper than Disney World's own line-skirting VIP Calcify Your Kid's Tiny Black Heart Tour, which costs more than $300 an hour.

Instilling your children with a sense of frugality: a great way to "build humility!"

The report, written by former Page Six scribe Tara Palmeri, lacks on-record quotes from parents who have actually engaged in the practice, but instead offers infuriating, anonymous quotes that are imbued with an editor's touch.

“My daughter waited one minute to get on ‘It’s a Small World’ — the other kids had to wait 2 1/2 hours,” crowed one mom, who hired a disabled guide through Dream Tours Florida. “You can’t go to Disney without a tour concierge,’’ she sniffed. “This is how the 1 percent does Disney.”

"Quite so," sniffs this editor, as he snaps his gilded snuffbox shut.

So where is this information coming from? Who narc'd out Dream Tours?

Dr. Wednesday Martin, a social anthropologist, seems to have kicked the Post the "scoop" because she simply wanted to expose a repulsive practice perpetuated by a class of people who have forgotten how to be decent human beings. Oh, and it seems that by total coincidence, Martin also has a book coming out about rich people who live on Park Avenue.

A woman who answered the phone at Dream Tours Florida said she'd pass along our request for comment. We'll update if they respond.