We're now less than 54 hours away from Doomsday 2011: Get Judged Or Get Out! You've heard the prophecy of Family Radio preacher Harold Camping, you've seen the billboards and the caravans across town heralding the end of the world come May 21st—but have you actually started preparing for the Rapture?
According to Robert Fitzpatrick, the former MTA worker so convinced of the end of days he spent more than $140,000 to spread the gospel of destruction, a few true believers will be sucked up into the heavens, while everyone else is going to be stuck in Armageddon: “Industrial wastes will be released, radioactive wastes will be released, it’s going to be Hell on Earth...It’s very upsetting but that is what the Bible is telling us,” he told 1010 WINS.
Some are still skeptical of Camping's incredibly precise predictions: "In 1994, I remember some radio host predicting Christ's return that September. That individual was Harold Camping. This will not be the first time he has been wrong, and that has wronged many," said the Rev. Dave Watson, pastor of Calvary Chapel in Mariners Harbor and instructor at New York School of the Bible. He added that, "teaching about the return of Christ has often been used to abuse and confuse." But what if the Rapturists happen to be correct? Shouldn't we decide upon places to watch the end of the world, just in case? Semper paratus, right?
Well, the CDC certainly thinks so: yesterday, Assistant Surgeon General Ali Khan published a post giving tips on how to survive a Zombie Apocalypse. Titled "Preparedness 101: Zombie Apocalypse," it's quite straightforward about its goals: "You may laugh now, but when it happens you'll be happy you read this, and hey, maybe you'll even learn a thing or two about how to prepare for a real emergency." They recommend you stock up on food, water and first aid supplies for an emergency kit, and come up with an emergency plan: "This includes where you would go and who you would call if zombies started appearing outside your doorstep. You can also implement this plan if there is a flood, earthquake or other emergency." Other emergencies like, say, the end of the world??
And if you don't have time for that level of preparation in the next two days, there is the other alternative: turn straight to looting! But unfortunately, you'll have to prepare for even that, because people are already calling dibs on the charred remains of the post-Apocalyptic world in a new Facebook group, "Post Rapture Looting." Their motto: "When everyone is gone and god's not looking, we need to pick up some sweet stereo equipment and maybe some new furniture for the mansion we're going to squat in." If looting isn't quite your style, there's always one other option: merchandising. Because nothing is truly human like making a pretty penny off of other people's sick delusions.